Welcome Proto-Mulchian We are Glad that YOU!  are here!
We know that your journey to Mulchianism has been quite an experience.
Now that you have reached our humble epicenter you must begin your 
preparation for the Mulchian life way. 

The path to Mulchianism is always down hill. It is also for everyone.
We are eager to find you on the mulch pile of life! So, let us begin.

Perhaps the first thing a civilian will be concerned about is clothing.
One of the most important tenets of Mulchianism is that one must not
let clothing get in the way of the mulch. Mulchians have evolved their 
own particular and specific wardrobe which allows us to transcend 
the bounds of clothing to become one with the mulch. Click it right here
to find out more.


Outfitting it to suit your every need and desire! It is not hard to tell of the sincere
feelings of despair that come over a mulchian unprepared in the scrape. 
Even a night in the trenches would be easier! 

The first thing the novice mulchian or shred will want to consider will be clothing. At your first experience or mulch  you may not have had the opportunity to arrange for a suit of sack cloth or mulchian sack suit. (named of course after the drink not the material!). You may be able to obtain a piece of cloth or rag from the mulch pile owner or if you know you are going to be attending a mulch you may wish to bring along a cloth upon which to sit or with which to line your scrape . Mulch is generally quite clean and can be brushed off. The mulchian vapors however, can leave a bit of damp and sometimes civilian clothes can become stained. 

The Mulchian Sack suit is the time honored folk garb of all Mulchians. To move beyond the  status of shred and become one with the mulch it is essential for you to make for yourself one of these fine suits. It is not hard to tell of the pleasures realized by the shred upon making his or her Mulchian Sack suit.

Making the Sack suit is not at all difficult. Anyone can do it. You do not even need expensive materials. All you need to have is a two pieces of burlap cloth and two pieces of cord (shown below).

The round piece of cloth is used for the hat. The hat piece should be large enough to 
fit on the top of your head such that when you tie it with a cord around your forehead
(to keep it in place)  a brim of one to three inches, all around,  is produced. Some of 
the more meditative and reclusive Mulchians will insist on a large brim of 5-6 inches. 
The size of  the brim is up to you. 

The Larger peice of cloth is for the suit itself. Note that sack suit cloth is not cut with
even edges. This is so that the suit does not clash with the uneven texture of the mulch.
One does want to be in harmony  with the mulch.

Wearing the Mulchian Sack suit properly takes a bit of work but it can be done 
by anyone. The larger piece of cloth should be about one and a half times the length of
your waist. It can be longer- that is up to you. The width should be that of two thirds of
the measurement from waist to the ground with 12 or more inches left for the flap. 

To put on the Sack suit  first wrap the larger piece around your body. (the Sack suit is
worn over your regular civilian  clothing) Try to make the seam at the back or on 
the side. Remember to place the cord about 12 inches below the top of the cloth 
so that the flap can hang down over it. Secure the cord comfortably but  tightly.

Next place the hat material on the head. Secure it to the head with the cord running around the head. Tie in place comfortably tightly. Be sure to leave a few inches for a brim. Maurice Muchaese has kindly agreed to model his Sack suit for you. He is found dressing for his Wedding mulch. (The event was the talk of Mulch A Vale in the highlands)


Upon the Mulch pile the Mulchian will wish to remain and to make sure that he or she can stay in style and, in comfort, upon the pile, and remain in the Mulch,  it is important the Mulchian is properly provided with the essential mulchian kit. 

A few simple things can and will make a great difference in the degree and scope of the
mulchian experience received. Sometimes mulchians can pool their resources. A pot luck
mulch is a good Idea. Everyone can bring something! Remember also to bring a friend!
Just make sure to remember that they may not yet have their mulchian sack rag or piece 
of cloth for their scrape. You may have to provide that.

Click it right here to learn about the Mulchian kit!

Equipment for the Mulchian- The Mulchian Kit 

The other essential part of the Mulchian Kit  is a stout wooden cup the Mulchmass. This should be
the largest wooden cup you can find. It is well known that drink which does not come directly 
from the wood  will bring disharmony to the experience as a whole. This will result in various 
cerebral maladies which should be avoided by using a proper wooden Mulchmass.

If possible the mulchian should bring sufficient drink and food for the mulch event. Drink can be
in a bottle which can be warmed by insertion into the mulch pile. Food which is to be warmed
should be placed into  metal containers frequently found in Indian and oriental food stores.
These usually have clamp on lids which keep the food secure from the vapors and the mulch. They
also are good at transmitting the wondrous heat of the pile into the food.

Once the mulchian is equipped with the proper Mulchian Kit the mulchian will be a happy mulchian
and the experience will become one of wonder and fulfillment. We next present view from and of the Mulch pile click it right here!


The true mulchian experience begins with an introduction to a nice warm mulch pile. 
Some are not genetically prepared and will refuse.....we understand....others take right
to the pile with delight and glee and cheer. We advise you to do what you can to let yourself 
go and join the others in the pile. After a while your genetic tendencies will be overruled and your 
live will suddenly improve for the better....

The Proper Mulch Pile

The proper mulch pile is composed of shredded green wood.Dry or seasoned mulch will not 
work at all well. Green is generally obtained from tree trimmers who will donate it free of charge.
The pile needs to be as tall as possible. You will need several feet of mulch to create a pile which 
will stay warm. After a few hours the pile will start heating up. That is when the fun begins. Be 
sure not to let your pile dry out. Water is necessary for the process of making heat. We cover 
our pile with a tarp so that it does not get too wet nor dry out. When you have your pile ready 
you will want to get on top of it and find a place to enjoy the warmth. Now take a moment and
learn how to make the perfect mulchian scrape.
Click It right here!

When you have joined the others on  the pile, at the 
Mulch,  the next thing to do is to create the mulchian scrape.
This is easily accomplished but the true mulchian will develop 
a certain skill and the scrape thus produced will be a true
architectural wonder and delight. When you are beginning
try to construct a modest scrape. 

Here are a few instructions for a  Starter  scrape which might be of 

1.First sit on the mulch pile. Compose yourself and get your bearings. Find
your balance.  You will want to be near by the others, however, it is best to note that you will not want to be so near as to to encroach on the scrape of another. If you find that this has occurred it is the encroacher's obligation to offer a sip of drink and request for forgiveness to the other party immediately

2. Once you have oriented yourself on the pile you will want to clear off the
first 6-8 inches of mulch. Do this with utmost care. You will not want to be accused by the pile owner of deflating the pile.  To avoid this you must keep all the mulch on the pile at all times. Pile the excess up in a berm surrounding your scrape. You will know when the foundation  of the scrape is deep enough when you see  the steam and feel the warmth throughout the area. In an active pile you will not have to go far.

3. The deeper the scrape the better the warmth. Do your best to burrow right in.
A proper mulchian scrape is truly a wonder. The rule of scrape is if you aren't warm yet keep digging. The best scrape will accommodate the mulchian in comfort.

May the Mulch Be with you!
Soon, we shall have more illustrations for you. We will also have some
mulch related links and a few images of recent events.
If you have any questions please click it right here to e.mail us.
We are in Linthicum Maryland U.S.A. - our mulch pile is still good
and hot! Check out our other pages on the menu below.

Please be patient. These Pages will soon grow to their fulfillment!

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