but you don’t chance to want some choice Havannahs

or some cheap Cubas.

Lord M-

Cat-

Some fine silk handkerchiefs –

Lord M-

Kick both these rascals out and mind the plate.

now what do you want - quick for we are late.

Servant-

A man just brought this note, there’s naught to pay.

He left it on the door and ran away.

My goodness gracious what was that report

Lord M-

I only sneezed my love.

Blan-

Lord M-

My dear, young ladies shouldn’t think at all.

So off into your room- dress for the ball-

Yet stay one instant. I am all at ease.

Before you go just leave me all the keys.

Lord M-

This news shall puzzle why I did not tell her it.

I wonder which of these unlocks the cellaret.

What have we here- this bottle with the tape-

oh- I remember- fifteen penny cape (?)

E’en Cruikshank’s bottle that they made such noise on

scarcely contained a cheaper speedier poison.

no- such a snare I will not tumble in

I’m up to trap and can come down to gin.

Oh stay, another glance- what else is handy

oh that will do- some smuggled Boulogne brandy.

When the parliament assemble

Their let every MP tremble

Go not thither or you may

Be blown to pieces on that day.

What can this motto mean- ah ah I see

a weak invention of the enemy

to burk my note my eyelids fell like lead

That brandy must have got into his head

Spirit

Behold in her who crosses now your path

the spirit of the cracker on the hearth.

LM-

what do I see- the same at which I look

reminds me faintly of a Christmas book

I read some years ago. My ears still tingle

with names like Tackleton and Peerybingle.

Spirit

I love your daughter for the spirits hearty

in which she snaps me at an evening party.

And this has been a happy home- no strife-

Lord M-

It has been, heaven knows, since I lost my wife.

Spirit-

So joyful- so domestic- so light hearted.

Lord M-

No Lady we was not- you know we parted.

Spirit-

She was -

Lord M-

Alive I never knew a moment’s rest

Spirit-

Well, never mind. Behold, and escape the slaughter,

if only for the sake of your fair daughter.

Spirit-

There look at this suspicious group and tremble.

Is this the way that honest men assemble.

No patriots with real English hearts are they

whose public house sedition fears the day.

Spirit-

The Parliament will soon be in a recess

when meeting to debate on the address.

Before the members think of a decision

the house itself will come to a division.

Spirit-

Is this a place where anyone would go

alone, except to strike some awful blow.

Think on this scene before in air you’re blown

for in all kindliness it has been shown.

Lord M-

A train- a train- my kingdom for a train.

I must be off. Richard’s himself again.

At Windsor in ten minutes I must be

What’s the best way?

Servant-

Is it a message that you wish to send

The Electric telegraph I recommend.

Lord M-

The electric telegraph that might achieve it

but if it’s sent there’s no one will believe it.

Yet I should go myself. It must be so.

Serv-

The Atmospheric Railway.

Lord M-

All the directors hopes in this affair

have vanished into what they sprang from – Air.

Stop they have advertized about a trip

from Cremorne Gardens in the Ariel Ship.

I’ll hire the thing- the grounds are not far from us.

Go and reserve a place at once John Thomas

Chamberlain-

What will your majesty be pleased to take

a sherry cobbler from the Wellham <?> lake!

Sir Jon-

A dainty dish to set before a king.

But if you’ll take advice try <?> <?> thing

It smashes sherry cobbler and Mint Julep

One trial will prove the fact my royal tulip.

King-

How came this oddity within our gates?

Sir Jon-

I’m Jonthan de Boston from the states.

Our stars and stripes are everywhere unfurled.

The world licks nature and we lick the world.

Queen-

So Savage

Sir Jon-

The Ioway is now the I.O.U.

King-

That last was a good polka <?>

Queen-

I feel so faint.

King-

Here’s Soyer’s nector, to dry souls a blessing

Soyez tranquil for Soyer’s effervescing.

Or if it will not cool your royal throttle

send of at once for Robert Houdin’s Bottle

Cat-

Your hand is mine up to the seventh set.

You know your father will not be here yet.

King-

We’ve danced once with our wife as ‘tis our duty

but what a sweet face for the book of beauty.

Who is this Belle, her style is really regal.

Permit me

Cat-

Sire, with pleasure, Miss Mounteagle

King-

We know your father. Ha! There goes the band!

May I request the pleasure of your hand.

Blan-

Sire I shall be delighted.

Queen-

King-

My sweetest love- If you object I won’t.

Queen-

Well only one quadrille. I’ll let it be.

You shall not flirt. (To Catesby) We’ll be thus vis-a-vis.

Lord M-

Pardon your Majesty, this rude intrusion

I am not mad- ‘tis really no delusion.

Read this and if you see what could provoke it

Pray put it in your royal pipe and smoke it.

King-

Lord Rosse’s monster telescope, go seek.

We wish to see the middle of next week.

Of some dread precipice we’re on the brink

yet like a cheap greatcoat we’ll never shrink

although we wish that we could shoot the moon.

Lord M-

Suppose you do it, sir, in my balloon

Let’s off to strike the iron ere it’s hot

and throw cold water on their powder plot.

Blan-

You’ll let me stay behind, Pa?

Lord M-

I’d rather have you under my own wing.

Cat-

some <> coward has I feaar betrayed the plot.

Sir Jon-

Some critter’s done what somebody should not.

I’ll back to Boston, at the present day

they call it policy to run away.

Cat-

They’re going to fly away, collect<?> I vow.

Order immediately our fly to Slough.

King-

Lord Chamberlain, to keep affairs all right

invent some pretext for our sudden flight.

Turn all suspicion from these dire works.

Cham-

A night assent- now this way for the fireworks.

King-

let go the rope -

Queen-

King-

My dear we’re licensed but to carry three.

Now all look out and those whose sight is stronger

will see the best just wait a little longer.

Cat-

All right, come on, I see the coast is clear.

There’s no one but the crossing sweeper here

one of those calico rascals from abroad

for whose night’s lodging we are daily bored-

allez vous en-

Las-

Cat-

Then hook it, and look sharp or else by jingo

Per-

Where’s the policeman?

Cat-

as usual taking tea along with Mary.

Now then, good Percy, they must bring the powder.

Per-

Hallo!

Cat-

They cant hear that you muff- come, louder

Per-

Hallo!

Music- conspirators bring on the powder in barrels - coals - etc.

Cat-

Halt - stand at ease. What coals are yours

Cons-

Cat-

are they all dry - we wont have any wet uns -

Wallsend all dust and slate will never do.

If they have not been screened, I won’t screen you

but visit light weights and the heavier measures.

Per-

Ere they are shot, let’s overlook our treasures -

what have we here? Some Irish papers- stuff

Cat-

Pshaw - use them - they’re in use now quite enough.

Some of the summer’s hay, still hot and damp

‘Twill fire itself without a match or lamp -

Poor law reports - ah well their use we’ll try

they’re sure to burn , they are so very dry-

Per-

Some wooden pavement taken from the road

now at a discount, but a bob a load.

Cat-

It’s got a slippery character upon town

let us agree with all, and put it down.

Per-

The parcels company left this at the corner

a relic of the past, from Captain Warner -

oh, that won’t do, it’s proved of little use

at his own range they cooked the captain’s goose.

Now look for Fawkes, he really should be here

Cat-

I wonder then why he does not appear.

Per-

I found him at the tavern here hard by

quite stupid - in fact by Geary <?> wet drained dry

and was obliged the landlord’s chalks to pay

ere they would let him walk his own away-

Guy-

Is that the cellar there - upon my soul

I really can’t go down that horrid hole

To use that ancient joke I love so well

I fear this cave will only prove a cell.

Cat-

To look before you leap is here a fault.

Guy-

a leap - to me ‘tis very like a vault -

well, I suppose that if I must I must

though I would fain resign it in disgust .

The odor here is anything but nice.

It’s rather musty - smells of rats and mice -

if there’s one here who at some future time

would like to have the glory of this crime

let him speak out - I’ll readily change places.

Did any one say yes?

Cat-

Guy-

Catesby, old fellow, you have got my will,

and now I just would add a codicil.

I’ve left my all to Blanche, but mind you tell her

‘gainst rainy days to spare you that umbrella.

Farewell my friends,’twas in a crowd we met

remember me - we<?> may be happy yet.

Guy-

It strikes me it’s struck twelve, dark midnight lowers.

Each hour’s a day until the day is ours-

here must we stop all night nor think of sleep

and even whilst I about my watch I’ll keep

if I’m alarm’d by foes to catch me thinking

ere they can wink, all shall go up like winkling.

But how to follow this most daring blow

or what to work at next, I scarcely know

like Mr. Turner’s my designs tho’good

not even by myself are understood.

Hallo- who’s there?

Cat-

Catesby- your friend - all right

Guy

I never thought of seeing you tonight.

You’ve put me in a flame-

Cat-

How goes it on? What have you been about?

Guy-

You needn’t ask - my work is very plain -

Cat-

I see you’ve put the matter in a train.

Guy-

this is dry work, although by what I’ve read

Less dry than that which passes over head.

In blowing up the lot I’m sure our movements

will be one step toward the great improvements.

give me some money - you keep strict watch here.

Protect the cellar while I bring the beer

Cat-

My knowledge of the plot I must bewail

my head is turn’d - I really must turn tail.

Ho! Steps outside- Guy Fawkes returns - come in.

Monteagle

Confound your steps outside, I’ve broke my shin.

Cat-

Ha! Who is this – speak or I won’t be nice.

Mont-

I’m Lord Monteagle formerly Spring rice-

on the receipt of a queer note last night

my home I left to see that all was right I

took a turn around here -

Cat-

you’ve taken one turn - now you’ll get another.

now the time comes, I really cannot bear

to see him like a rocket in the air-

this agony of mind I can’t endure

see (Shows the powder) Here’s a case for the cold water cure.

Mont-

Oh horror - what a sight do I behold

my blood stagnates and will not e’n run cold-

my hair stands all erect and will not fall, it

feels like quills on the fretful what d’ye call it.

The parliament for rubbish will be shot

I’ll call the Coldstream Guards.

Cat-

Don’t call the guards but prenez garde instead

or you may get a bullet thro’ your head.

Our man will soon return - here you must hide

and in some hiding place preserve your hide.

With drink I’ll ply him until drunk he rolls

and then we’ll haul him over his own coals.

Mon-

you’re up to plots it seems.

Cat-

Mon-

You’ve shown yourself no flat.

Cat-

Hark I hear steps - you must no longer stay

I’m going to let him in - away - away.

Guy-

It’s past twelve - they’d shut the Flying Horse.

I’ve fetched this all the way from Charing Cross.

I’d more than half a mind to cut and run

but then my honour - and the chance of fun….

Catesby you’re pale.

Cat-

without a fire this time of year feel chilly.

Guy-

If we’d a fire the powder that we’ve brought

might cause a parlamentary report.

Here’s to our friends - as to our enemies, they

will find we’ll toast them in another way.

What noise was that?

Cat-

Cuy-

There’s lots of rats I know about this house.

Such vermin swarm where they can find a drain.

Cat.-

Confound it, he alludes to me that’s plain.

Perhaps it’s the cat as usual.

Guy-

Cat-

He little thinks now, I’ve let his cat out.

Guy you don’t drink.

Guy-

am very strict, in fact a regular guy

Cat-

Guy, I should like to have with you a word.

Guy-

Speak out then, here we can’t be overheard.

Cat-

I’ve been for sometime thinking - only thinking -

but don’t suppose that from the plot I ‘m shrinking -

Guy-

you’d better not - or else.

Cat-

I see there’ll be a row before I go,

but to our plot there seems this one objection

we can’t blow up in only one direction.

Guy-

‘Tis true when roofs and walls are blown about

it’s most unpleasant weather to be out.

Cat-

Admit the king was wrong would it be right

to kill the folks who come to see the sight.

For ministers’ misdoings ‘twould be hard

That cabdrivers should fall in palace yards.

Blow up the ministers, with all my heart,

but don’t blow up all those who take our part

which shews a creulty of disposition -

can’t you contrive to spare the opposition.

Guy-

he fears I’ll bully him - pallid coon -

from me receive the coward blow, you spoon.

What make a pass at my unguarded head.

A pretty pass indeed to cut me dead!

It’s rather lucky I just then stooped down.

For that I gave a bob and spared a crown.

I’ll spoil your glittering blade

Guy-

As you may fancy me, to fight with that,

worn only to look pretty for the night.

This is the sort of tool I use to fight

the combat sword is used by Mr. Hicks

bought in the New Cut - two for one and six.

Cat-

I neither used<?> your new cut nor your old’ un.

Guy-

Don’t you indeed. We’ll try it then, my bold ‘un.

Guy –

Monteagle! Am I sold - but not too late.

You can’t get out - remain and meet your fate.

Cat-

The breath of heaven has blown its spirit out

assisted by the last few drops of stout.

Mont-

Die, traitor, die!

Cat-

Mind or the house will rise before it sits.

Thus to blow up ourselves would be too hard.

Fire thro’ the keyhole and alarm the guard.

Guard

Open, I charge you in the name of him I

serve, King James, or I shall use the Jimmy.

Guy-

of course you’ll let him in- pray don’t let me

be any hindrance - I give up the key.

Guy-

I think to go would be my wisest plan

but here’s no opening for a nice young man.

A case for Mr. Wakley <?> then I’ll be.

Guard-

No fellow- we’ll have no felo de see.

Mon-

Guard, place him in that seat and bind him there,

unanimously voted to the chair.

Search all his pockets through and if you see

any small sum in money give it me.

Guy-

My heart is broken. All seems cold without

my brain’s on fire, and I can’t blow it out.

One hope is left me once all others fail.

When my head’s off Ainsworth shall write my tale.

Change of scene

Man

Now then my sporting gents just come this way

a correct list of those we burn today

with the name weight and color of each crime.

The bell has rung for clearing, be in time.

Herald

Stand all aside and shout till you are hoarse.

the King and Queen are coming up the course.

King-

What means this mob. By our last resolutions

we shut the public out from executions.

Herald-

They came sir to survey these fatal revels.

King-

We’ll make all you surveyors find your levels.

Why do you treat my orders with disdain!

Be off at once.

Crowd-

King-

My dear there’s Lord Monteagle. How d’ye do.

Lord M-

I’m quite well thank you sire, how are you.

What thought you of the opera last night.

King-

We heard it not, the ballet’s our delight.

Queen-

What do I hear and this before your wife.

King-

My dear these things are nothing in high life.

Pray how much longer are we here to wait.

Strike up, music. I’m sure it has gone eight.

Card Man

Here you have the last dying speech and confession of Guy Fawkes.

Guy-

Halloo you rascal what was that I heard.

My dying speech - I’ve not yet said a word.

This is too bad - the worst of all my trials.

Where did it come from.

Man-

King-

Now clear the course just stand aside that way.

Guy Fawkes have you got anything to say.

Let us begin at once.

Guy-

Friends, Romans, countrymen lend me your ears.

I come to bury Caesar not to bother

your head is quite distracted - that’s another

no what I mean is this - its hardly fair

that I should leave the world in this arm chair.

King-

Pshaw - is that all- guard, place him on the pyre.

Now then a light present - make ready - fire.

Blanche-

One instant if you please - stop stop.

King-

what does this mean

Lord M-

Queen-

Intrusive female, what is this about?

King-

Police Ho

Mob-

Blanche-

Don’t turn me out, nor throw me over, pardon.

Have pity over my case for it’s a hard ‘un.

That gentleman about to lose his life

my husband is and therefore I’m his wife.

I married him this morn – it’s rather soon

to put a stop to our young honeymoon

King-

A pretty joke! then pray what do you seek?

Blanche-

delay in execution for a week

King-

Delays are Dangerous.

Blanche-

to take the opinion of this honest crowd.

King-

If that is all, I am agreeable quite.

let them atone <?> for giving up the sight.

Blanche-

Kind Friends

King-

I meant not that crowd there but this crowd here.

Ho guards don’t let her finish, back her, stop her-

Blanche-

Your royal word to break would not be proper.

My own dear Fawkes -

Guy-

can it be true that you have saved my life.

Blanche-

No ‘tis to these for life you must appeal

So kind an audience will some pity feel.

They won’t so soon dissolve our marriage bands.

Guy-

Those for reprieve will please to clap their hands.

Thank you I need not count up the minority

the ayes have got it by large majority.

We only ask you if you think it right

to grant a respite till tomorrow night.